Monday, August 23, 2010
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! Of course, you knew that...
When my boyfriend and I sat down and turned this movie on, I knew what it would be for the most part - emo and romance-driven. It was.
Robert Pattinson is hilarious as the angry-at-his-dad college student. He does several funny things, like busting into his dad's business meeting and screaming at him that he doesn't care about his own daughter. Then next, because his little sister was made fun of by this other girl, he goes crazy and terrorizes her desk by flinging it around, in the middle of class-time. It was superb, I couldn't stop thinking, "This is awesome! This is a kick-ass older brother!"
Somewhere in here he falls in love with the blond chick from Lost who had the baby and went crazy. Only because he was beaten up by her dad, the police officer. Her dad's role strongly reminds me of another role by the same actor... in American Beauty.
Okay, now onto the movie's ending...
A few years ago I suggested to my boyfriend that it would be intense if there were a movie made about someone's life, then the movie ends with them dying in the Twin Towers on September 11th.
THEN IT HAPPENED IN THIS MOVIE! ROBERT PATTINSON DIES IN THE TWIN TOWERS ON SEPTEMBER 11TH!!! IT HAPPENED!!!
That ending kicked the shit out of me, I hope it did for you too, assuming you watched it and didn't just read this without watching the movie first. HELLO, SPOILERS!!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Okay, this movie wasn't so bad. It wasn't so good either. Some people may disagree with me on this, but that's okay. We are all entitled to our own opinions, of course.
The movie opens up boringly enough, yet somehow interesting. Greta Gerwig stars as the main chick, Florence, who is the personal assistant to this guy who has a retarded brother named Greenberg (but he isn't a retard, just mentally... detarded?). Anyway, this guy has had a rough life. We have no idea why she is a personal assistant, but it seems that she loves her job getting things for people at the store and walking the dog who ends up having an auto-immune disorder.
Anyway, Greenberg's brother goes to Vietnam for like, a month, probably because he was born too late to remember the war. Or maybe he was just visiting their father's grave site? Anywho, Florence is told to help out Greenberg if he needs anything, because Greenberg just got out of the cuckoo house for who knows what, and needed a very nice place to crash, which just so happened to be the only person left in this world who gives a flying fuck about him - his brother. So Florence helps out Greenberg once, then the second time or so instead of getting a drink at a bar like they planned, they decided it would be appropriate to go back to her place, and share a beer instead while being only five inches away from each other, ONLY because she forgot her wallet? Can I smell a lady who just really wants to have sex? Anyway, even though she wants it, and Greenberg wants it too, we only get to see as far as her shirt getting lifted up, and his face stuffed between her legs. I did not understand this. How could they be going so fast? I was disturbed and turned on at the same time.
So they decide to not do this again. Greenberg tries to strike up an old friendship flame with his old bromance partner played by some british dude I don't remember the name of, but looks like he could have been an extra in Lord of The Rings. This british guy is "Like, okay, whatever, Greenberg. Want to have fun?" and Greenberg has a problem with people and avoids a situation whenever possible in which he would have to socialize. He goes to a party with his ex-bromance buddy where all his old friends are, giving us a lot of beloved awkward moments that make me feel awkward in the process. At this party, Greenberg decides that he wants to be with his old flame girlfriend lady again, and after waiting around for a few weeks, he calls her up and wants to go out for coffee. They go out for coffee which is equally awkward and she is begging the waitress for the tab, and practically runs silently screaming out of the diner when Greenberg asks her if she would like to have dinner with him. Hahaha!
Things aren't going so good with Florence or his ex, or his friend in fact. He goes back to his brother's place where he crashes and writes his letters of complaint for various weird things to various businesses. Some chick is there with her australian ditzy friend. I assume that she is Greenberg's sister-in-law. She ends up having a party that night in which all her friends come over to her place, and do a variety of drugs and substances. This had to of been the most entertaining part of the movie, because Greenberg gets offered some free coke hits from this younger dude, and it's been like 20 years since Greenberg coked it up, and it's hilarious just watching him going from being timid and weird to being jazzed up, excited, but bitchy at the same time. The party ends with him when his friend comes over telling Greenberg that he wants to get back with his ex-wife, and tells Greenberg he should have gotten to know "Vic" better. "Who is Vic?" ... "My, son, Victor..." YOU ASSHOLE!!!!
So meanwhile throughout all this, the dog had been getting sick and turned out to have an auto-immune disorder, and has to take several pills a day. I am surprised that Greenberg did not kill the dog while he was busy building the doghouse, getting cussed out by his brother, and writing letters, and getting it on with Florence.
So in the end... well... I actually didn't even see the last few minutes of the movie. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner, or something.
So overall, this movie was okay, didn't suck, didn't bite, didn't make me cry with joy. Kind of boring, kind of entertaining in very short spurts. Maybe it would be less slow on coke?
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Very few times does a movie leave me smiling by the end, and when it does, it's usually because A)Christian Bale was in it, or B)It was actually fucking GOOD. This movie was beyond GOOD, and moreso divine. I mean, it's PERFECT. The asshole badguy Warden gets what is coming to him, and the two main characters ARE FREE! Goes to show that whether it's 19 or 40 years in prison, you can still live your dreams, no matter what your age! I did feel sorry for that Brooks guy, though, who hung himself. He just couldn't handle automobiles, I guess. The smell of gasoline must have depleted some of his marbles. Anyway, Tim Robbins is my hero, fo sho. Morgan Freeman is always the wise old dude who never ages. If you want to watch a movie that is both inspirational, and full of man rape, watch this one!
Monday, July 16, 2007
I wish I could wipe my ass with this movie. This has to be one of the worst pieces of shit ever made. Actually, it shouldn't even be in the same category as shit, because it was worse than shit. I had tears in my eyes from laughing at this movie; not because it was actually funny, but because it was so fucking bad. The dialogue sucked, the actors sucked, and the concept of a horror movie that has the military in it should just be forgotten. The only halfway decent actor was the sergeant, and of course he gets killed off. Not by a monster, not by someone actually trying to kill him, but by his own fucking troops... ON ACCIDENT! How stupid is that? I feel bad that my boyfriend had to pay twenty dollars for us to see an abomination of mankind. I guess we made up for it by sneaking into The Last Mimzy afterwards.